Amos 5-6

By Gary Mitchell

Editor’s Note: Amos is a church mouse, unable to use the keyboard shift
keys and unschooled in the art of punctuation.

the mother s day
gift dilemma

who would ever think finding
a gift for your mother would
be such hard work boss
question mark here

you forget she s a
female says bertie
woeworm in passing

well that may be so
but i know what i
plan to do says me
i ll just get her a few
lovely flowers or a
set of nice gourmet
cheeses of the world

ah now there s an
intelligent son says
slippery sam the snake
oil salesman what a
lovely idea to give your
sweet mother some
lush beautiful flowers

but then slippery sam
pauses a moment as
though he s pondering
a life-or-death option
but then says he it seems
to me that your mom has
such sweet lovely flowers
right there in her home
garden doesn t she

oh yeah she does says me
somewhat bewildered

well never mind says sam
you can always give her that
wonderful sampling of
worldly cheeses can t you

of course i can says me
a bit suspiciously this time

but still sam slurred ever so
softly cheeses never last
very long they mold or
sour or sometimes even
get dry and hard you wouldn t
want that for your mom so
dear do you amos my boy

naw i don t guess so says
me more confusedly than
before but she really does
like cheese – just like me

oh i know i know my boy
says sam so ingratiatingly
but we want the very best
for the best mother in the
world don t we

so what do you suggest
says me even more

how about this diamond
brooch says he with a sly
wicked grin holding up a
sparkly stone under his scaly
chin imagine how this
would look wrapped
around her lovely throat
or how about an exquisite
red silk coat direct to the
church pew underworld from
paris france it shimmers and
glows she ll love it – all it
takes is one quick glance –
and a few pesos – but i tell
you it s a once-in-a-lifetime
chance – all i need is
your say-so

boss i didn t know what to
say all of a sudden the flowers
and the cheeses i planned
seem to wilt in the sand

just then prayer vigil the
praying mantis saunters up
beside me what s the matter
amos says he

i can t decide what to get
mom for mother s day says
me at first i thought about
cheeses or flowers but they
look rather puny next to sam s
big expensive gifts

i know your mom amos and
she s the best but she doesn t
want you to fall into debt
all she wants from you is
your love – and any gift given
from your heart to hers
will bring her joy like a dove
sent from above