The famous weigh in on doggone debate

By Bob Huber: Local Columnist

I recently entered into deep debate with my dog, Cody — short for Co-dependent — concerning the relative differences between man and canine. It was Cody’s contention that dogs were intellectually superior to men. I know it’s ridiculous, but Cody is, after all, just a dog.

His proof was that a man provided food, shelter and a comfortable place to sleep, and all a dog had to do was eat, sleep, stay healthy and bark at strangers. It helps if the dog occasionally wags his tail, cocks his head, and puts on an expression that says, “Wow, I never would have thought of that.”

My argument was men were superior. They have thumbs. Have you ever seen a dog drink from a glass or throw a ball or go hunting with a rifle?

The upshot was, we jointly explored the Internet to find what great icons had to say on the subject. Here are some quotations that seemed to back up Cody’s ridiculous contention:

• Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful. (Ann Landers)

• A dog is an intelligent four-footed animal that walks around with a dope on the end of his leash. (Greek philosopher Billy Bob Anonymous)

• If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. That is the principal difference between a dog and a man. (Mark Twain)

• If you think dogs can’t count, try putting three biscuits in your pocket and then give your dog only two of them. (Phil Pastoret)

• My goal in life is to be as good as my dog thinks I am. (More Anonymous)

• Speak softly and own a big mean Doberman. (Dave Miliman)

• The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue. (Still more Anonymous)

• The average dog is a nicer person than the average person. (Andy Rooney)

• A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself. (Josh Billings)

• There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face. (Ben Williams)

• If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die, I want to go where they went. (Will Rogers)

And here are some
quotations from my side of the aisle:

• Women and cats do as they please. Men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. (Robert Heinlein)

• Ever consider what our dogs must think of us? I mean, here we come back from the store with the most amazing haul — chicken, pork, butchered cow. They must think we’re the greatest hunters on earth. (Anne Tyler)

• My dog is worried about the economy. Alpo is up to $3 a can. That’s almost $21 in dog money. (Joe Weinstein)

• If your dog is fat, you aren’t getting enough exercise. (Ah, those Greeks)

• Anyone who doesn’t know what soap tastes like has never washed a dog. (Franklin Jones)

• I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. (Rita Rudner)