Full coverage clothing important when outside

Tonya Fennell

I live in a quiet neighborhood in Clovis. My husband, who is based at Cannon Air Force Base, and I chose to purchase a home off-base because of the length of time we will be stationed at Cannon.
I really have no complaints about our neighborhood — children ride their bikes, elderly couples walk their dogs and everyone maintains their property.
However, my neighbor does wear a Speedo. OK, maybe it’s a pair of really short, tight shorts. No, there isn’t a pool in his back yard or any type of water within miles of his house.
The first time I saw his daily attire, I wondered if he were secretly training to compete in the Summer Olympics or had a part-time job as Richard Simmons’ sidekick.
I have to hand it to my neighbor though — he has found a style he’s comfortable with and he’s sticking with it. But, this tiny underwear-like garment is what he wears to mow the lawn, work on cars and check the mail. I’m not entirely sure if he even owns a shirt or a pair of shoes, since I have never seen him wearing anything but the short shorts.
Many of his outside chores require him to bend over for extended periods of time — like when he works on the van in his driveway. Many days when I return home from work, I am greeted by his barely-covered butt sticking out from under a hood.
If you’re still reading at this point, I’m sure you’re wondering why I care about his clothes.
Well, with four children, ranging in age from 17 to 16 months, I often find myself unable to control my urge to cover their eyes when we venture into the front yard. My children think this is hilarious, so they point, stare and make jokes about plumbers. Since they are young boys, they laugh and say things like “gross” and “that is just wrong” very loudly.
I have enough things to worry about when my two youngest sons venture outside besides them angering my neighbor by seeing which one can toss a pebble into the crack of his behind.
In the great scheme of things, I know my neighbor’s clothing choice has no affect on me. All in all he is an ideal neighbor — he’s quiet, clean and doesn’t let his visitors block my driveway. But, even after two years I am still shocked to see him in the Speedo.
I’m thinking of paying a visit to offer him a gift basket — a much-delayed “Welcome to the neighborhood basket.” But, instead of fruit, I think I will fill the basket with sweat pants.

Tonya Fennell is coordinator of Cannon Connections. Contact her at 1-800-819-9925 or by e-mail:
tonya_fennell@link.freedom.com