Classes should be offered upon airmen’s return

By Tonya Fennell: Cannon Connections

My family is in the thick of the reintegration process.

You know that semi-awkward, “I love you, I hate you” time when an airman returns home from a four-month deployment. I’m so happy my husband is home and I’m trying to be patient. But, that’s not easy since half of Guam seems to have returned with my husband.

So, I was thinking maybe the Air Force could offer some reintegration classes. Here’s a few ideas.

Toilet Training 101 — This one day class would cover the basics of the bathroom with a primary focus on putting the toilet seat down when finished.

Bathroom Mechanics 102 — This class would only be offered to those who have completed Toilet Training 101 and would teach airmen how to remove the empty toilet paper roll and replace it with a new roll. This is an advanced course. Framed certification of completion will be presented upon graduation from this class.

Basic Unpacking Skills — This course would cover many topics including — how to unzip a suitcase, how to determine dirty clothes from clean clothes and how to actually remove clothes from the bags. Storing of the bags will be touched on if time permits.

Advanced Language — This refresher course would cover the English language with a reminder on using fewer four-letter words and more words of endearment.

Chores Are Your Choice — This fun-filled class will include field trips to local alleys for a tour of the dumpsters. Participants will receive a free package of trash bags and a detailed schedule of their neighborhood’s trash pickup days.