Jan. 18, 2009

BEVERLY HILLS – God bless America, and how’s everybody?

• President Bush gave a farewell speech to the country Thursday. He gave himself a lot of credit for keeping America safe for the last seven years. Thanks to his policies, airliners now crash into New York City with nothing but a few minor injuries.

• A U.S. Airways jetliner landed safely in the Hudson River Thursday after it flew into a flock of geese. What a mess. Everyone just assumed the lead goose in the formation was trying to fake his own suicide after dropping everything on Wall Street.

• U.S. Airways pilot Chesley Sullenberger made a miraculous landing in the Hudson River Thursday, averting tragedy. There was a delay getting everybody off the plane. The airline charges extra for water, and a lot of the passengers didn’t have exact change.