Grant McGee: Secret Service dudes and tambourines

By Grant McGee: CNJ columnist

I overheard some folks talking the other day, calling one of our area churches a “cult.”

Did you know we have a cult around here? I didn’t. But I think I may have visited one in Arizona.

During my trucking days I saw an ad in a Phoenix paper showing these happy people who went to The Church of the Divine Something-or-other. I decided to go.

The first sign I had that I was about to enter into a different kind of Sunday get-together were the guys in dark suits, sunglasses and a wire running to one ear looking very much like Secret Service men. They dashed about the parking lot ushering people into the big building.

No sooner had I sat down than rockin’ worship music began. Just down the pew from me stood an elderly woman who reached into her big ol’ purse and pulled out a giant tambourine, enthusiastically banging it in time to the music.

The minister took to the stage and within moments began speaking in an indistinguishable language. “Ah, tongues,” I thought to myself.

It was time to leave.

As I walked out of the auditorium folks started reaching for me, each one saying, “Where’re you going, brother?”

To each one I smiled and said, “Gotta go, have a nice day.”

I reached the foyer of the sanctuary and there stood all of the dudes in dark suits, sunglasses and ear-buds.

“Where’re you going, brother?” I was asked.

“Gotta go, have a nice day,” I said. “One thing though, I’ve never seen a church security force before, what’s that about?”

“Sir, you never know when or how The Enemy may strike.”

“I see,” I said. “Gotta go, have a nice day.”

So I don’t know if we have a cult around here, but the “bring your tambourine to church” thing could make Sunday services livelier.