a view from under the pew: the real story of thanksgiving

By Gary Mitchell: Religion columnist

amos the churchmouse:

a view from under the pew

Editor’s note: Amos is a churchmouse, who types by hopping on the computer keyboard, but he can’t operate the capital shift, and he shuns punctuation marks – except dashes and hyphens.

the real story of thanksgiving

with the full realization that
thanksgiving looms ahead
boss i thought it intriguing
that archaeologist
tunneling bugs have
unearthed a rare and
ancient bugtussle find –
the so-called real and
true story of the first
thanksgiving as reported
by the initial edition of
the church pew inquirer

giggle and snort all you
want to boss but a lot
of prominent bugtussle
journalists got their
nefarious starts there

the bugtussle manuscript
appears to be dated
november of 1965 boss
under the mysterious
heading of – gary s
garrulities – in an unusual
publication called – la
sesalpha – whatever
that means

anyway here s the gist
of the manuscript text

back in the east about this
time 340 years ago the
pilgrims were sharpening
their rusty axes on an old
squeaky grindstone so they
might have a bountiful
thanksgiving dinner

but we know that story –
pilgrim chases gobbling
turkey turkey gets headache
pilgrim acquires indigestion –
so what question mark

i am going to reveal an
incident – i m not certain
of its validity though – never
published in anyone s history
about the beginning of
thanksgiving in the southwest

in this area about the time
desoto was splashing around
in the mississippi the indians
at santa fe were preparing their
annual feast called – pueblo s
annual feast thanking great white
spirit for giving pueblos good
yellow corn hundreds of years
ago – also known as
paftgwsfgpgychya feast – later
shortened to thanksgiving by a
couple of puritans – priscilla and
john alden methinks – as they
passed over new mexico in their
hot-air balloon that said – around
the world in 80 days or bust –

the indians invited everyone on
the high plains to come

the festivities rolled along as that
great warrior ringo and some
long-haired animals provided
music and entertainment

the ceremony had reached its
peak of excitement when a
wild turkey called clovis flew
into a pot of broth

the indians angered by the
interruption slit the beast s
throat and ate him

after the meal the warriors
received various forms of
heartburn stomach pain and
indigestion which ultimately
caused their untimely death –
proving that anybody ought
to know better than to eat
a clovis turkey

well that s it boss – it ain t
exactly a work of art nor
does it radiate any great
truth – methinks it would
have been better simply to
give god the glory and just
say happy thanksgiving