Military mama: No heroics behind injuries

Have you ever had an injury so embarrassing that you’d rather suffer in silence than answer the question, “how did you manage that?”

Years back, my mom took a wrong step exiting a church staircase. Two stairs and she broke multiple bones in both feet. What a waste of a good injury — the holy staircase of disaster.

Once, a dust particle landed in my eye and in my attempts to clear it I got a corneal abrasion and ended up in an eye patch at a high school dance.

One chilly winter I stepped out onto the porch to toss a stinky diaper in the garbage can with Kaleb on my hip. I slipped into a world of pain jarring all of my weight against frozen concrete directly onto one knee. I did manage to not crush the kid, so it wasn’t a total failure. But still, diaper duty slippage is a pretty lame tale for a ridiculously painful injury.

About a month ago, during the cold snap with the icy winds I had a doctor’s appointment on base. The trek in from the parking lot was pretty brutal with a windchill of -17 and no quick way to safely buckle the babies into the double stroller. We were pretty much frozen by the time we reached the front doors.

When we were ready to leave, the weather hadn’t let up. If anything the wind gusts were stronger. I put on my supermom cape and tried to save the day.

One by one I carried each of my kids to the running SUV, wrapping them up in my coat to shield them from the wind. I successfully loaded and buckled them up in the heated car. Task accomplished — so I thought.

I pulled the empty stroller around back and battled to fold it up. Meanwhile, my prescriptions took a quick jaunt through the parking lot. I chased and gathered the bottles and gave up on the papers that were far too fast for me. To say I was frazzled is nowhere near the frustration I reached.

The stroller was almost packed away into my vehicle when nature decided that it hated me. The wind gust slammed the back hatch down on me, knocking me off balance. My head, neck and shoulders ached under the weight of the metal. My car tried to bite me in half.

Two days later I realized it was probably a concussion, given the new symptoms. A trip to the ER confirmed that I most definitely was not imagining these crazy side effects. Decent injury, but not a brag-worthy story.

How do you go about explaining that one? “Yes, I was bullied by air. I never saw it coming, my car door beat me up. But the kids were warm!”

Next time, no matter the facts, I’m claiming a “base-jumping incident.”