a view from under the pew: the great aphid rodeo

Gary Mitchell

amos the churchmouse:

a view from under the pew

Editor’s note: Amos is a churchmouse, who types by hopping on the computer keyboard, but he can’t operate the capital shift, and he shuns punctuation marks – except hyphens and dashes.

the great aphid rodeo

boss i m sure you ve
noticed the big doings
here in the church pew

i m sure you ve seen
all the little bugs and
field mice dressed
in their little chaps
spurs and bandanas

it s bugtussle s biggest
celebration of the year –
the great aphid rodeo
in conjunction with
oldtimer bug days

we ve got banners
across the alleyways
and all the bugtussle
merchants offer special
discounts to cowboy
ants and military bugs

all the cowboy ants
and dairy ants come
to town for the aphid
rodeo each year

during the year cowboy
ants herd the aphids and
other plant lice from plant
farm to plant farm and the
dairy ants milk the aphids
for a sugary liquid called
honeydew – the aphids suck
juices from plants and the
dairy ants stroke or milk
the aphids with their
antennae to get them to
release the honeydew –
but i m sure you already
knew that boss
the cowboy ants protect
their herds of aphids by
fighting off any other
bugs or insects that
threaten the herd

at any rate the great
aphid rodeo is a big
deal in the underworld

some of the favorite
events at the aphid
rodeo are the bucking
flea hoppers and the
wild aphid milking
contest even some of
the local merchant ants
try their antennae at it

other special events are
the plant lice wrestling
event and the baby aphid
stroking – it takes real
skill to do those boss –
you have to have a lot of
strength for the first one
and pretty quick antennae
for the second

but the most exciting
event is the bull aphid
riding event – those
bull aphids are bred
just for rodeo and
fighting purposes – no
self-respecting ant
would ever try to milk
a bull aphid boss

i met a cowboy ant
who works as a rodeo
clown – bull aphid fighter
the other day

the objective is to
keep the cowboy ant
safe says eddie the
clown ant i m always
willing to take a shot
for any cowboy ant

aren t you afraid when
you go in the arena
says me

every day i have a close
experience with the
bull aphids says he i ve
had broken ribs and a lung
punctured but the lord has
protected me through it all
i just claim psalms thirty-
four verse four before i go
into the arena – i sought
the lord and he heard me
and delivered me from
all my fears

boss if it were me he would
need to deliver me from
my occupation