Grant McGee: Wife is flush with excitement

“We have a new toilet, we have a new toilet,” The Lady of the House was singing and doing “The New Toilet Dance” around the bicycle shop.

She was waving hands in the air and dancing around. “The New Toilet Dance” may not catch on but it was cute on her.

I peered outside the window to make sure no one was watching.

The New Toilet Dance was a celebration of a long, hard journey that had started with what I thought would be the simple replacement of a toilet tank seal.

The toilet at our bike shop had been leaking for a long time. In this time of drought one becomes aware of water usage so I decided it was time to replace the tank seal on a Sunday morning. Yeah, I know, don’t do plumbing jobs when you can’t call a plumber without paying emergency prices. But it was a simple seal replacement, or so I thought.

Did you know that 30-year-old nuts will actually fuse onto a bolt? I mean become one with the bolt, with no beginning and no ending? I fought with the nut, struggled with it, coaxed it, cussed at it all while soaking it with lots of stuff with names like WD-40, Liquid Wrench and Tri-Flow.

But the nut would not budge.

“Hey, what if we pivot the tank around?” I said with wild, excited eyes.

“The wall is in the way,” The Lady of the House calmly observed.

I stepped back from the commode and yelled, “Let’s go get a new toilet.”

We were off in the truck to the New Toilet Store and in the wink of an eye we were back installing a new porcelain throne. And thus “The New Toilet Dance.”

I’m just hoping she doesn’t start pulling people off the street and asking if they would like to flush our new toilet.