Military mama: Still searching for miracle workout

I have determined that I am far more of a wimp in reality than I am in my own head. In my brain I’m practically Xena warrior princess, but that can’t possibly be the truth since I’ve begun to feel my muscles ache over simple tasks like squatting to interact with my toddlers. Let’s be frank, my limbs are so far out of sync that a simple movement is cause for a mini battle. It’s time to admit that I’m nowhere near as tough as I pretend.

It’s my birthday month. I’m getting old. Not over-the-hill old, but old enough. I’ll be entering my last year in my twenties. I’ve never really been one to get hung up over numbers, unless it is on a price tag or the waist of my jeans. But it’s hard to ignore when I’m actually feeling creaks and pops.

I have been making a conscious effort to work towards the pre-baby body again. I have been trying to find that miracle workout that not only slims my physique but keeps me entertained. I’m almost certain it doesn’t exist. But I do keep trying the new trends as they roll along.

Yoga reminds me that I’m nowhere near as limber as I once was. Pilates makes me feel about as stretched out and snapped as my resistance bands. Using the exercise ball I find out how quickly I can roll off with the aid of my tiny assistants. Free weights are effective, but dodging small children makes me lack any semblance of form. Zumba, well there is something to be said for having fun while sweating. I love to dance, but salsa is not my forte by any means. I find myself winded too quickly, and embarrassed at my perspiration lacquer. I like to believe that I would enjoy swimming for sport, but the kiddie pool in the driveway doesn’t provide much of a forum for laps. And with my buoyant babies in each arm at any legitimate pool there is no room for anything resembling even a single stroke. Running isn’t pretty. I’d rather take a mallet to my knees and ankles if I’d like to feel jarred. My husband and I tried tennis since I used to play when I was young. He won, so due to ego ailments that’s no longer an option.

I figure all of the child-chasing I manage to squeeze in should help me to shed some pounds, and my portion control has been made easier since my twins have a much larger appetite these days and like seagulls they flock to any source of food.

Despite not being prepared for actual heroics I will continue to try out assorted exercises seem to have some entertainment value. And hit the elliptical when the good TV shows are on so that I can keep myself distracted enough to do some good. I’m not to the point of antique but I hear that vintage is in, so I’ll try my best to keep getting better with time!

Loni Newby is a Clovis mom, married to the Air Force. Contact her at: