My wish list won’t cost you a thing

We’ve got just four days — FOUR — left between now and a merry Christmas. Or a happy holiday. Or a Yuletide celebration. Or a Festivus for the rest of us.

Call it what you will, but I’ll be calling it, “Watch basketball and eat every food I promise to give up for the new year.”

There may be some gifts around the artificial tree with too many candy canes and not enough lights, according to my infrequent visitors. Or there may not.

Hopefully you can impact it, because I’m giving you a last-minute shopping list for me. Most of these gifts wouldn’t set you back a dime.

Here’s the list; check it twice if you’re so inclined. But let’s not get into whether I’ve been naughty or nice:

• I’d wish for strength for the families of people who have lost loved ones in 2011, particularly so many who have died in automobile accidents recently.

We have the unfortunate task of reporting these, and many of our commenters tell us that the families will never forget the accidents because we shared accident details law enforcement made public. The thing is, we could not report the story at all, and the families would still never forget their loved ones.

• I want all-American Muppets, who are business friendly. Fox Business Channel went where everybody else was afraid to go, chastising these puppet animals for their naked indoctrination of children.

You see, the bad guy in “The Muppet Movie” wanted to take over the Muppet Theater because there was oil buried underneath. Only FBC knew that the Muppets were targeting big oil — they didn’t believe the cover story that the villain simply had ulterior motives, and the movie would have been exactly the same if it was gold or Jimmy Hoffa buried under the theater.

So please give us Muppets that believe Jesus wouldn’t dare raise capital gains taxes, so FBC can report on something other than puppets.

• A smooth transition back to civilian life for military members who served in Iraq, and continued safety for our soldiers still in Afghanistan and elsewhere across the world.

• While we’re on the topic of the troops, perhaps we could do without the posts that start: “The troops are fighting for our rights to (narrow belief here).”

You have every right to believe what you want and say what you want, and we don’t have to marginalize troops to justify it. They fight for every right, whether it’s owning a gun, worshipping your God, worshipping no god or protesting our political and economic structures.

• Last thing: An electric blanket. OK, so some of the best things in life aren’t free.

Attribute whatever happy holiday greeting you wish from me to you, and best wishes for 2012.