My wish list more naughty than nice

I don’t mind waiting until after-Christmas sales for my gifts. Here is my more-naughty-than-nice wish list:

• A Kindle, but please don’t pre-load anything by Coulter or Beck. Anything by Twain (Shania or Mark) is welcomed.

• Donations to my favorite charities: “Chef Juandel’s Squirrel-Stew Kitchen” and “Curing The Anglo Mariachi Cowboy’s Texas Twang.”

• A free tax session from Clovis CPA Tracy Belcher on how to deduct lessons from the Chaparral Country Club on getting more distance with my putter.

• A winter-wonderland building from Heflin Construction with tennis/basketball courts for my Clovis/Portales partners.

• A Comcast angel in Portales to fix KFDA’s Channel 10 signal so that it doesn’t constantly freeze even during the summer.

• More neighbors like Claude and Vickie Jaramillo, who never complain when my dog stops by for dinner.

• Gift certificates to Mental Health Resources for those three or four old grouches confusing bah-humbugging about imported dairy workers with ho-ho-hoing.

• A new microwave for cousin Chef Juandel.

• A bulletproof vest for cousin The Anglo Mariachi Cowboy’s weekly visits to Juarez to buy brownie mix for Chef Juandel.

• A karaoke version of the Ozark Mountain Daredevils’ “If You Wanna Get to Heaven, You Gotta Raise a Little Hell” so that my cousins and I can carol High Plains drifters from the Christmas spirit until they break out stashes of New Year’s spirits a week early.