Kevin, thanks for joining me

By Kevin Wilson

Staff writer

Welcome to a very special interview. I’m Kevin Wilson, interviewing … Kevin Wilson, about the new movie, “The Interview.”

So this is “The Kevin Wilson Interview of Kevin Wilson on ‘The Interview.”

Kevin, thanks for joining me. “Pleasure to be here.”

So, did you hear about the scalper who wanted a refund? For our viewers, the guy found the only local theater that planned to show the comedy on Christmas Day, bought up all the tickets and then had no buyers when Sony released the movie online for $6.

“Well, Kevin, that’s a tough one. What’s the scalper’s refund policy? It’s to go pound sand, isn’t it? That’s my answer. You’re a scalper; you take all of the risk.”

Kevin Wilson

Kevin Wilson

Well, what did you think of the rumors that Sony played us all like fools? Is there any chance Sony pretended it was hacked by North Korea, and played it into a marketing campaign for a movie about two civilians assassinating Kim Jong Un?

“I’m going to say no. There’s too much risk that somebody would find you out, or that North Korea would say, ‘Reunite the cast of ‘Pineapple Express,’ we don’t care.’”

Before we go too far, what did you think of the movie?

“Haven’t seen it yet. Sorry.”

Wait, you didn’t pay to stream that movie? What kind of American are you?

“The kind of American that decided he didn’t want to watch ‘The Interview’ that day.”

Well, what about other American gestures? Didn’t you eat at Chik Fil A when they stood up for heterosexual marriage?

“No.”

You didn’t shop at Hobby Lobby to support their stance on birth control?

“No.”

Didn’t buy the Duck Dynasty Christmas album, or at least a calendar?

“No.”

Don’t you love America?

“Yes, but I’m not sure how we decided those purchases were patriotic.”

Well, what would you add to the list?

“Funny I should ask.

“If you like staying home with your family on Thanksgiving or Christmas, maybe it’s a bad idea to shop at a store that doesn’t feel the same way about its employees. Or, if you do shop somewhere over the holiday, maybe reflect your appreciation when there’s a chance to leave a tip.

“If you believe in the USA, buy products that are made there. And if you can’t find them at your favorite store, find a new favorite store.

“If you value self-sufficiency, don’t shop at a store that trains its employees how to apply for public assistance. Shop at a store that pays employees enough to not need it.”

Well, that was quite a mouthful. So, are you going to see “The Interview” any time? “Yeah, I probably will. Do you want me to come back to the show then?”

No, we won’t care by that point. “Thanks for interviewing me, myself.”

No problem. The pleasure was all yours.

Kevin Wilson is a columnist for Clovis Media Inc. He can be contacted at 575-763-3431, ext. 318, or by email:
kwilson@cnjonline.com